thoughts on a muggy morning

How do we measure our lives? In a recent Hollywood film, 'The Bucket List', it was said that we can measure our leaves by those who measure their lives against ours...in a circular way, that's saying that we are measured by the standards we set in various facets of life. It's been two months since appa left us, and I at least am reminded all the time of the standards he set for himself, never, really for others. Those standards are hard to live up to, because they are not articulated in terms of any material achievement. They have to do with relating to people, to how we think of ourselves in isolation as well as in relation to others and in relation to what we do. And appa never held these standards up as something to remark on, but lived them with a naturalness and lightness easy to take for granted. Because of this, some things that seem to have become things to 'remark upon' have for us simply been normal everyday qualities. For instance...treating people with dignity and gentleness is simply the way to be, it is not separate from any general idea of goodness. Thought and action are inseparable; one cannot act apart from belief. Simple, but increasingly difficult ideas to live by, in a world where extreme relativism makes everything acceptable (with reference to an ever changing context).

But having grown up with someone who was able to live this way, and lived it so (as I said before) "lightly", I know that it's not impossible. Difficult, yes. The commitment is to the belief that ideas are absolute to oneself, but they are not to be applied in judgment of others. If you think that something is the right thing to do, go ahead and do it, as long as you cannnot see any harm in it to others. If something makes others happy, then if it doesn't interfere with your innate sense of right and wrong, then go ahead and do it.

These standards appear to make life simple for those who live by them, but they do complicate things for others, who perhaps live by different standards or none at all. Sometimes living with appa was not so easy. Because though he never ostensibly demanded anything of anyone else, he did force you (if you were the kind to introspect and worry about such things) to demand it of yourself.

And that's the hardest thing to do--to demand something of yourself, and then to deliver action that meets those demands. Until it becomes a habit. As it had become, for appa.